To Grasp at Clouds
by WhatATangyBagel
Summary: Young, old, Demacian, Noxian; the Institute is home to many different people. So it's not surprising to find a man who can't see and a woman who can't speak walking in the same halls. But they aren't 'just blind' or 'just mute.' That is nowhere near the only thing that defines them.


**Authors Notes: Hi there internet! I'm a Bagel who just happens to be Tangy. Don't ask where the name came from... I've never written any fanfiction quite like this one before. And by that I mean I've never written (or posted for that matter) a story with romantic elements. So help me out guys. Review to your heart's content.  
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**Something I suggest for this chapter is a bit of required reading:**  
**1. Go to the NA League of Legends forums and paste this at the end of the web address: s howthread. php?p=1384754#post1384754**  
**(remove the spaces between "s h" and ". P". It's annoying that you can't post links, but I suppose its a must have on this sort of site. I hope I'm not breaking any rules.)**

**2. Read it. That forum post, written by an idol of mine, RiotBabagahnoosh, ****explains some lore about Summoning**. If you don't know what 'getting doubled' means, then it might be good to give it a read.

**But enough with the pointless dribble. Let's get on with the show that I don't own in any form and belongs to Riot Games.**

* * *

**Peace**

There were many places one could find peace. Valoran was a vast and mostly quiet continent, so a man could go to any number of locations to collect himself and think. But in the institution that kept the world such, peace was hard to come by. As a problem many Ionians shared, it wasn't uncommon, when all three of them were present, to see the Kinkou resort to meditating in the darker, less travelled halls of the place. Lee Sin was fond of natural surrounds when he chose to think though, but when not even the warmth of the sun penetrated the caverns that housed the Institute of War, he too would make do with any quiet corner.

'If solitude is what you want,' Master Yi's plate boots clanked against the stone floor, 'there are many vacant rooms the Summoners rarely use. I go there myself when I wish to meditate undisturbed.'

'That is good to know.' He replied, 'Thank you.'

'You don't have to thank me. I am quite happy to help a man I haven't seen in a while... no pun intended. What brings you to the Mainland?' The monk had to chuckle. He'd grown used to the awkward quips some people made,

'I was told to come by our Emissary. He said I would be required for a week's worth of matches.'

'But you perform in matches from the Monastery, do you not? Why would you have to physically come here?'

'I asked him the same question. He said it'd be in my best interest to stay at the Institute. I hadn't been to Valoran in a while, so it seemed like a good time to come.'

'A good time to come?'

'Yes.' The Wuju Master was silent for a moment. Perhaps he'd been too direct in answering the question, he thought.

'… I suppose why you've come is not important. You are here, and that is a good thing. You know, now that I think about it, I haven't visited Ionia in a long time.'

'We must catch up and exchange some news then.'

'Indeed, we must. I look forward to hearing about the goings on in the Placidium.' The pair stopped, and Master Yi rapped on a distinctly wooden surface. No one responded, and the man opened the door. Within he found what sounded like a small, nondescript room. The sort of place used by Summoners to discuss their trials on the Fields of Justice. 'But that is for later. I will leave you to your thoughts.'

Lee Sin couldn't remember the last time he'd reflected on his direction. Especially in the place that had shaped him so thoroughly. His League duties kept him very busy, and rarely would he have a spare moment to evaluate the simple things. Like how to make himself the best person he could possibly be. But tomorrow was his time to call himself a Champion, not today. He pushed some chairs around and made a nice spot on the floor. Taking a seat, he let his ears settle. His focus fell only on the rise and fall of his own chest, and not Master Yi plodding off into the distance. The space in his mind clogged by his travels became empty, and the words he lived by took their rightful place,

_The past remains, no act will undo it.__  
__I have done wrong in my life, and I know I have done wrong. I will keep striving for atonement in all that I do. In every aspect of my existence. I will keep moving forward, but to do so I must also look back to understand why. Why do I persist when others do not? The key lies in things already done, and that is why I sit today. I may never fully understand, but what I know now is simple. I do this because I must. I do this because it is right._

_The past remains, no act-_

He jumped when the door creaked open, cutting his mantra short. It wasn't often something playing into his blindness surprised him.

_Focus. I lack focus even now…_

A familiar voice cut the air,

'There isn't anything _left_ to discuss. Do you understand exactly what you're asking me to do?'

'You're a smart young man Ezreal,' Replied a feminine voice, 'Of all the people I thought… Oh, Lee Sin. I didn't see you there. I thought the room was empty.'

'Do not worry.' Lee said, bounding to his feet in a swift motion, 'If you want some privacy, I will leave.'

'No, don't go. Listen to her. I'd like to hear your opinion.' He cocked his head to the side. Ezreal's words let him paint a picture of his lady companion as they bounced around. Drapes of fabric wrapped her form, so he assumed she was a Summoner. But the sheer size of her robes, or what seemed like layers of robes, told him a lot more.

'High Councillor Vessaria Kolminye.' He said with a bow, using his tone to hide it was actually a question, 'I trust the League is running well?'

'Indeed it is. This year has been very quiet thus far… But exchanging pleasantries about the League is not why I'm here.'

'And my answer is still no.' Ezreal snapped, 'Nobody would ever be stupid enough to say yes.'

'Just so you know, someone has already said yes. We only need one more Champion to help us.'

'Getting doubled is one thing. Coming down with Summoning Sickness is another. But what you're suggesting is like both of those times five. Excuse me if I cause any offense High Councillor. I'm just having a hard time finding the rationale in your ideas.' The young man's opinions were so boisterous that they illuminated the room right up to its tall arches. Lee couldn't help but track the sound before he made his opinion known,

'If you do not mind me asking, what is going on?'

'I don't mind at all,' The High Councillor said, 'And since you've addressed me with such respect,' Ezreal scoffed, but it didn't stop her words, 'I will tell you. The League has recently become interested in forming new ways of summoning. Since there have not been many political disputes in recent memory, we feel it's appropriate to examine what the common man knows us for. Providing entertainment.'

'A new way of summoning?' The thought shot a terrible feeling through his gut. He knew all too well what could happen if someone delved too deep into the Summoners art, 'What sort of summon?'

'It's a regular summon. There's nothing unusual as far as the technique goes. But it's the rite that's different. It's slightly... enlarged.'

'Enlarged? I do not understand.'

'She wants to try to summon the same champion to a Field of Justice five times.' His fellow Champion cut in, '_Five times! _Or maybe ten, I don't even know anymore.'

'A quintuple summon of a single entity?'

'That would be the technical term for it, yes.' The lock he kept on his summoning knowledge gave way. An unnerving yet unavoidable event in his mind,

'Such a summon would only work on constructs or a simple being, yes? It might work with small creatures, but I do not see it working on the complex soul and mind of a person.'

'That would've been true many years ago, but the craft has come a long way since Ashram's time.'

'You would need a lot of runes,' He continued, 'Especially seals, and the Champion would have to have a great amount of mental and physical stamina if he were to endure such a ritual.'

'Hey, how do you know so much about summoning Lee?' The High Councillor not so much as acknowledged Ezreal's presence, at least not in words,

'Correct. We have been doing research for quite some time, and we have determined it could be accomplished with powerful enough runes and sealing magic on the target. The target's constitution is a different factor entirely.'

'What if something went wrong? What if your runes were not powerful enough? A seal might break and…' He couldn't bear to say anymore. Simply enough, if something went wrong, people would die.

'As I have said, we've come a long way since the beginning of our studies, and we have made the ritual as safe and painless as such an act would allow. All we need are some willing Champions to test it on.' The Explorer jumped back in,

'And one of them isn't me. I hate being doubled, let alone quintupled.'

The monk wasn't quite as apprehensive as his younger counterpart. In fact, the more he thought about it, and reminded himself of the past, the more he found a deeper meaning in the idea. The notion of one's soul being split into five, and their body rendered useless for a time would deter most. The fact so many things could go wrong would have the sensible running out the door. But the past did remain. No act could undo it, but many acts could replicate it.

It was perfect. He wouldn't have it any other way,

'Do you need another Champion then?'

'You can't be-'

'-You would offer yourself?' Vessaria replied,

'If you need someone, then I will gladly help you.' Boots hustled towards the door,

'You're crazy. Enjoy being pulled apart by the Summoners.' The frustrated slam solicited a polite laugh from the High Councillor,

'I don't see why he's making such a fuss. No one was forcing him to comply... But in all seriousness, it _is_ a complicated ritual.'

'I can tell that much.'

'So you're willing to help us? You may just be the perfect candidate. Your strength and knowledge combined will give us a good measure.' He walked by the woman, making sure not to step on her robes, and opened the door,

'You will find this helps me more than it helps you... It takes many to move a boulder, and yet it is only the boulder that moves forward. Not the ones who move it.' Again, it seemed like he had managed to steal the words from a person, if only for a short time.

'That is an interesting image you draw.' She said, walking through the door, 'The Summoners craft is not the biggest of stones to move though. And if the boulder was blocking the path of the people, wouldn't moving it help them progress?'

_An interesting interpretation, High Councillor. _He thought, fully expecting her to chime in, _My way of thinking seems a bit selfish in comparison._

They walked throughout the Institute's halls. He wasn't sure where they were going. Despite his almost three years and countless battles without sight, the symmetrical, geometric design of the place had always confused him. Summoners Rift was an irregular land, and had many 'quirks' of sorts that helped him identify his location. The fact the grand building was so orderly made it hard for him to get his bearings. Almost every empty hallway sounded the same, with even the lengths between doors indistinguishable from one turn to the next. That wasn't to say he was totally hopeless in the place. He'd been around long enough to know how to get by in everyday situations. The sound of his footfall was loud enough to keep track of the woman in front of him. Her continuation with their conversation also helped,

'You won't be the only Champion participating in this test. Sona Buvelle has also agreed to take part.'

'The musician?'

'Yes. She was the first Champion I asked, but we shall test you first.'

'Whatever you feel is appropriate.' The Maven of the Strings. He'd never had much to do with her. She was one of the many champions he'd never met outside the Fields. He knew she was a musician, and he had heard rumours that she couldn't speak, but not much more than that. Barely had he heard her play, let alone talk. His ears had a much greater job to do while he stalked the jungles around the river.

When they got close to their destination, he felt the magic on the air grow thick. It crackled against his skin when the High Councillor let him into the Summoning Chamber, warming him to the core. But that wasn't the only thing that warmed him. From inside the room he heard a tune that stopped him dead in his strides. The harmonies were faultless. The melodies were pure. Sona was a renowned musician for a reason, and he could see why. Not in the metaphorical sense. He could actually _see_. Her music was so lovely that, for the first time in a while, his mind's eye saw the world around him in stunning clarity.

'Amazing…' He mumbled.

Whatever instrument she played, he certainly hadn't heard it before. No flute or harp could've ever filled the space. The sounds lived and breathed like a divine creature, which might explain why she could use it as both a tool of battle and a conveyor of great beauty. Graceful yet deadly, she wielded music like no one else could. He knew the notes could strike him down, but right then they soothed him. They soothed him so much he almost didn't hear the High Councillor say,

'Lee Sin? Are you alright?' And just like that, the music stopped. The world around him was dark once more.

'My apologies,' He said, gathering himself, 'I was… caught by the music.'

'That's alright. Lee Sin please step this way and sit in the circle.' He stomped his foot, but it gave him no sense of direction,

'I am sorry. If the circle is not raised, I will not be able to find it on my own.'

'Oh yes, that's right. Sometimes even I forget you are without sight.'

'I will take that as a compliment.' She stood by the circle and directed him to sit. While he got comfortable and the Summoners laid out their runes, he continued his meditation,

_The past remains, no act will undo it.__  
__Eternal repentance is what I seek. I have forsaken that which has hurt others, and anything else that could lead the innocent to more harm. I follow the path of the Shojin. Peace, healing, simplicity. I own no worldly possessions, or delusions of entitlement, or the fickle nature of desire. All I own is my resolve, and the kinship of my brothers... I..._

He found himself without any focus once more. Sona plucked at whatever instrument she played, and he couldn't help but listen. She wasn't even playing any music. It was more the mindless picking of strings, but even that was delightful to the ear. Maybe not to anyone else's ears, but the ears that were so attuned to the fine art of combat greatly appreciated the sounds.

The magic in the air reared up again. It clapped in his mind like lightening, stealing his focus right back.

'We are ready to perform the summon now,' Said the High Councillor, 'Are you ready Lee Sin?' He had to forcibly remind himself why he had come. Sona could play for him any time. He was there, right then, to listen to himself. To find peace in pain. To know briefly what he had inflicted on others not so long ago.

'I am ready.'

'Good.' A feeling he knew well washed throughout his body. The feeling of his mind melding with someone else's and his body being called to another place. But he did not leave, the seals surrounding him kept him firmly planted where he was, a jarring sensation when he knew some part of him was elsewhere. That's when the second summon took place.

He was no stranger to being doubled, but by no means did that make it any less unpleasant. He ignored the nausea he'd come to associate with the ritual in its entirety as he held himself strong. He would not falter to the pain, nor would he give in to the crippling dizziness, even when the third Summoner chimed in and multiplied the anguish tenfold. He was being used, or so it felt in that moment. Like his soul was more of a plaything then it usually was. The Summoners were making him move, and yet he did not move. His mind showed him, in waves of sound, many differing images of Summoners Rift, and yet the seals held strong.

Until something broke. And he certainly felt something break.

A dark pressure welled up in his head, and a shaking he'd tried so hard to contain made those around him shuffle.

_'What is wrong?'_ Someone said in his mind,

_'I… I can't hold the summon. It's too difficult.'_

_'You cannot stop now.'_ The Councillor said, _'You must see the rite through to the end, else his mind will be rendered useless.'_

'No…' He whispered. Then it happened. The feeling of being ripped apart fiber by fiber. He was slightly ashamed to say that he cried out in response, knowing it would do nothing to stop the pain. It was unnatural. It boiled his blood. It feasted upon his inner energy. '_High Councillor_...'

_'Yes Lee Sin. Something has not gone to plan. But we must close the rite properly. Hang on... Summon him as quickly as you can. We need this to be over now.'_

_'Y-yes High Councillor.' _

The Summoners clawed at his soul. Like a pack of dogs, they fought each other for the easiest and quickest scrap they could summon, at great expense to himself. He would've wondered where the High Councillor had dug up the purple clad cleavers from if he could, but the mental struggle had turned physical, with every twitch of his muscles needing the same coordination as a day's worth of training.

_'You are both fools.'_ She growled,_ 'Close out the summon now!'_

He yelled again, totally unbridled by his self-control, and his arms flew outwards as if they were tethered by ropes. He couldn't describe it anymore. His mind wouldn't let him comprehend the magic that coursed through him. It sought out his stomach in particular, and he used the sliver of himself still left to keep the food down. He thought he'd failed when he felt a thicker substance run down his face, only to swiftly realize it was blood. They were really fools then, if they had forgotten one of the staple rules of Summoning. If the target being summoned begins to bleed from the nose, it's a sign of over commitment to a summon. One was advised to abort straight away and close the rite, but with the runes and seals still hot at his feet, he knew they were nowhere close to being done.

_Lee Sin, concentrate. _Said someone he could no longer identify, _It is in your best interest you stay calm._

Words were hard to come by. Only a garbled mess spilled forth between cries, and perhaps more blood, he couldn't be sure. Nothing was real. Not the room, the world, or the body he supposedly inhabited. It was all an illusion manufactured by Summoner's magic, only now could he see that. He could also see he was lying to himself when a wave of sanity came his way. He grasped the feeling as tightly as he could, using it to have a moment of reflection.

The boy he had murdered probably felt the same way, so dazed that reality would've seemed like it was falling apart, except he wouldn't have had the age or knowledge to comprehend it properly. He would've died in a dark, painful state of confusion, something Lee couldn't possibly emulate. He also had to wonder what the boy last saw before his end came. That was another thing he couldn't re-enact. Maybe he saw the face of the stubborn, naïve child who had decided to take his life. He might've even seen the youth's magic consume his village wholly and kill everyone he'd ever known.

_If so... I am... I am sorry. I-_

Something crunched. The world around him disappeared into darkness. Not one like his blindness. It was something completely different. He felt suspended in a muck, yet stretched out over an area that lasted a mile. He looked around, and for whatever reason he expected to see something. All that greeted him was more sludge and the residual effects of magic. He shook off this aftermath of the rite to try and regain some clarity. He knew he'd have to think, and more importantly comprehend his plight if he was ever going to escape it.

_Am I dead? Have the Summoners killed me?_

No. He was still alive. He had been close to death before, and this was not it. He did, however, fear that the Summoners had splayed his mind so thoroughly that he'd never be able to escape the blackness. A fitting end it would've been. An eternity of peace in the halls of a place too busy for its own good, where he could think and reflect until the end of time. He had no desire to die, but he wouldn't have complained too much if the Summoners had dictated he not live. The Summoners had chosen to keep his life within the mortal binds of pain, or so it seemed. His wits were about him, and the fact he could recognize the fates that could've befallen him shunned the ideas of such an end.

The void created by magic gave way to a more familiar blindness in time. All he could do was try to prepare himself for the meditation he'd have to perform before he could function properly again.


End file.
